Life has been ridiculously hard lately, hence my absence.
I haven’t quite captured how to put it all into words yet, and I just keep thinking I need to write poetry like I did when I was younger. It helped me cope. So, I may do just that.
For now, here is all that I have. I’m just tired. So, so tired.
life is a series of things that just keep happening to you
I’ve been away for a bit. The anti-trans, anti-gay, anti-abortion, anti-book, anti-education, anti-voting bills sweeping the nation are killing me and my hope for the future. I thought we were progressing to a better future slowly over time, but these bigots have been out there all along – waiting on the sidelines to seize power again.
I have to remind myself that these people are NOT the majority. We aren’t completely losing ALL progress. I just don’t know that for sure, though, I guess. This shouldn’t be happening otherwise.
When my state had a hearing on one of the bills, I went in front of my state legislature and testified against the anti-trans youth bill here in my state. They looked at me, listened to my family’s story, listened to my tears, and progressed the bill to the next level anyway. These people are awful. I couldn’t bear showing up for the others – and I couldn’t take all of the time off work to do so. I regret it a bit, wishing I could have been there for all of them. I’m exhausted just even working out being there for one, though, and having them not even listen.
It’s baffling how the people pushing for these bills say they want “less government interference” in their lives, they want “freedom” and all that, etc. However, they are pushing their beliefs and personal views/agendas into further government interference/overreach. Their playbook is to rally on freedom and less government when it is convenient for them, but then turning around and wielding that same government power as a weapon.
I was finding comfort in the fact that these bills have a history of being shut down in court, but that has faded once I realized what the goal is here. With the Supreme Court full of the judges it is – the ones that overturned Roe, they are gearing up to have them overturn further settled law/rights. If this isn’t stopped, we are headed back to the 1930s or earlier. I don’t know what to do exactly, but I do know that I won’t shut up about it. I won’t back down.
When I was a child, I remember reading about the Holocaust (I’m not sure why, I was obsessed with the history of it) and imaging what I would have done to save all of those people if I could. Wondering why the people didn’t see the signs along the way. I remember reading/learning about the Civil Rights movement, Martin Luther King, Rosa Parks, etc – wondering how people treated them the way that they did and being so thankful that was over. Imagining having to stand up for people in that time and how it would have gotten me killed in some cases. Now here we are – I may be the person I wondered what it would be like to be. I may have to make those choices when I’m in public. I may have to fight for others and my daughter, etc. I may be at risk of being killed for protecting her or others. I may be at risk of being killed for speaking up and doing the right thing. I could be put in prison for taking my daughter to the doctor or if I wore something that someone considered to be “man’s clothes” and to put it briefly – I’m terrified.
Sitting here watching the world happen around me, writing letters, going to the capitol with hopes that someone will listen – it all feels like just being tied up and not being able to do anything as the world collapses around me.
I know that awful things are happening in other countries as well – and this only adds to it. For any global readers, I feel for you and the struggles you face in your location as well. I know there is more to the world and its problems than what is happening in America. This is my life and my home, though, and it’s crumbling around me – so I am very upset. Adding into that the thought of the global atrocities happening to everyone is even more awful on top of that. When I think of all the things happening around the globe – things I do know about, and all the additional awful things that I don’t even know about, I crumble. The world deserves better. Every person on every continent, in every country.
I wish we could understand that the earth is our home, and everyone on it is our neighbor and our family. We need to come together and be ONE people. Accepting of all of our differences. Every person has a right to their religion, their beliefs, their love. We need to not hurt one another. We need to not ban one another. We need to work together and DO BETTER.
If you’re reading this, thank you for taking the time. Can you do me a favor? A favor for the world?
Please find some things from this list and do them. As few or as many as you can manage. It’s our job to fix this world.
It’s been a rough year or five, so we all need a little something to get us moving again. Something to remind us that we have some motivation to not only get through the next day but through the next few days, weeks, years. You can do this, but sometimes you just need that reminder.
Here are some songs that you should add to your playlist today to help get your head in the right space:
Cover Photo from: https://fineartamerica.com/featured/uplifting-karen-scovill.html
My oldest daughter is about to turn sixteen next month. I’m both excited and terrified.
The other day, I was sharing with her about getting my first job at sixteen. She is interested in getting one as well. Mine was at Fazoli’s making a whopping $1 over the minimum wage, totaling out at a high dollar amount of $6.25 per hour – ha! That was so impressive and exciting for me then. My own independence, gas in the tank, money to blow. Though, working in the food industry (which she wants to do) is rough. I don’t quite think she realizes that yet.
I shared with her some of the food service norms – the variety of people you’ll work with, the variety of pleasant and very unpleasant customers, the standing, the cleaning. The creeps.
There are creeps everywhere but when teens get their first job, I think folks prey on them and I’m scared of that. I hope wherever she works has good, helpful adults and a large peer group of kids her age to work with. Not the guy I worked with at Fazoli’s that was the same age as my father, and used to take the trash out with me to share cigarettes and flirt. Not the manager I quit over because she was trying to force me to date a boy that worked there – and then she ended up pregnant years later by another teen boy that worked for her (her husband was NOT happy).
I walked out of that job one day. Oh, the thrill and freedom of that moment! Being a teenager is such a wild ride in so many ways that I do not miss, but that feeling of absolute freedom in those moments is a thing I do miss.
Anyway, I’m worried about my baby growing up. I don’t want her to go out into the scary world without me, but I know it’s inevitable. I just hope she is safe and happy, no matter how far from me she is.
Ah, Christmas season is finally over. The chaos has calmed a bit. I still have things coming up (it never ends), but I can think again. Speaking of thinking, I got to thinking about a few things this holiday season. One of those things being traditions.
My oldest daughter chose a name when she came out. She socially transitioned- letting her friends and our family know. Then we enrolled her in school with her chosen name as her preference. Our family has slowly but surely accepted her as the new name and all is well. Though, now she wants to change that name to a different one. My immediate reaction was, “Ah, man- I just got everyone using this name. How am I going to get them to accept this?” Then my immediate next thought was, “Wow, that was a selfish reaction. She is finding herself and sometimes finding yourself means changing your life.”
Why would it be such a big deal if we “change” her first name again? Everyone might be confused at first, but they were last time too. I feel like experimenting with a name is normal in this situation (and confirmed on sites such as this) but I still find myself scared to tell the family and friends that may have been on the fence with acceptance, that we finally got comfortable with it. I can hear them questioning already, “If she isn’t sure about something like a name change, how can she even be sure about a whole gender change?” or something like that. Though, going by a name and identifying as a gender are significantly different. I don’t know. Is this even a “tradition?” Either way – I think I need to be a supportive mother and accept my baby by her new name, and stand behind her when she decides to tell family and friends.
Maybe when I get married this year and I’m changing my last name anyway, I could change my middle name. Lead by example and show changing our names isn’t that big of a deal. People change and shift over time. Sometimes a name change can be a door closing on that last chapter of our lives, and a door opening into the new chapter. Why not? Now that I think about it, one of my male cousins is already paving the way a little. When he recently married, he hyphenated his last name to his+hers, while she solely kept her last name. That’s not traditional, that’s for sure (and I support them fully!). Whatever makes you happy and comfortable, friends.
Another thing popped up over the holiday season- discussion of some baby showers being planned this year. I have both a sister and a cousin welcoming in new additions to the family this year. Neither of them are traditional people. Both are opting for a co-ed baby shower. Child-rearing isn’t just a mother’s role anymore. I think some older ladies are feeling this is a little awkward, strange, or we just don’t do things the same as we used to – but isn’t that a good thing? When we find struggles in life in general, we should evolve and adjust to a better way. Gender roles are outdated. Fathers should change diapers, care about the items received for a baby shower, help with decisions being made about the child, and help to raise them. Parenthood is a partnership.
I still support traditions. Traditions make us feel cozy and comfortable, with something remaining the same over the years – but they can evolve. Have a tradition in your life that makes you think of how things used to be in a fond, nostalgic way but it just doesn’t serve you? Evolve it. Have the baby shower, but invite people no matter their gender. Stop making peanut bars like you did with grandma, and continue the baking tradition – but make what you like! Remember that time with grandma while you bake the new thing. We don’t have to stay the same forever. Change is good. I’m going to be re-evaluating all of the “traditions” in my life and adjusting them to serve me and my family better. There’s no reason to live in the past.
So, I’ve been thinking about Christmas. I’m not religious in the slightest, but my best friend is. I’ll talk about my feelings on “best friends” later – reminder for myself. No matter your views or thoughts on Winter Holidays (yes- there is more than just “Christmas”), I think the true “meaning of the season” is lost. When the holidays are upon me, I want to step back and appreciate what I have in my life. The relationships, the tangible aspects, the year that has passed, all the years that have passed…
Obligatory gift-giving is starting to become tedious and off-putting. I don’t want a gift from someone because it is a day of the year. I still want to celebrate, sure – but can we cut the second mortgage and left leg? How about if I see something that I think you just need or absolutely reminds me of you, I’ll grab it. If I don’t see anything that does such, I can make you a thoughtful little note or card. Spending time together, sharing recipes and memories, making new memories, reflecting, and keeping one another warm. That’s what I want out of the winter holidays. Joy, warmth, food, happiness, and memories.
How do we re-write the script on these traditions? I guess, let’s reflect on a few traditions with different origins to start. Of course, I won’t get every origin of winter holidays in the slightest. I’ll just be brushing upon the surface of some interesting ones for funsies.
I left Christianity out of the mix, because (based on every historical piece I’ve ever read on it) it’s just an amalgamation of various holidays celebrated prior to its existence. Don’t come at me, America – It’s not a war against Christmas. I enjoy the holiday, I just don’t think anyone is true to its roots anymore. It’s a commercial holiday for MASS profit.
I think before next year, I need to come up with a better plan to start getting back to the root of its existence. Don’t worry, the kids will still get some presents.
References:
(Yeah, this was the most half-assed “research” ever but you get the idea. I know I left a ton of shit out. It was just for fun. I’m tired of “Walmart, Target, and Amazon Christmas”)
List your top 5 grocery store items.
-Pasta – because you can’t go wrong with pasta. Duh.
–Frozen burritos – Mom of the year right here. These are a favorite go-to for the kids when they’re hungry and want something quick. Need a snack a couple hours before dinner? Have a burrito. Winter break and I’m working? Burrito. LOL At least the kids love them…
–Potatoes – breakfast potatoes, soup, baked potatoes, mashed potatoes, etc. You just have to have potatoes.
-Bread – sandwiches, toast, grilled cheese, bread and butter, etc. It’s great having bread around. Definitely a staple. I often bought wheat – but now I mostly buy white or sourdough.
-Minced Garlic – so many things that I cook have garlic in them. Minced garlic is a staple in my fridge!
While the kids have today and tomorrow left of school, my partner and I have the week off. Today, we decided to go “live it up” a bit and have a day date.
We went to a place nearby that has a restaurant, bowling, and an arcade. I got a wonderful lunch and then we played a couple games of bowling. I got a whopping high score of 59! HA! My partner was able to pull off a 99. You can tell we don’t go bowling much.
However, the arcade was the most fun. We played ski ball, shot some hoops, shot some zombies, won some Wizard of Oz game where you drop coins and such to push items off the edge… It was a fantastic time. I’m ready to go back – we’re going to have to take the kids soon. 🙂
Photo snagged from the internet with a search for “arcade” – not the actual arcade we went to, but the setup was very similar.
Sometimes, I enjoy listening to music while I’m on the road. Other times, I enjoy podcasts or books on Audible. The podcast that I’ve been listening to in the car lately is “Futurology.” A recent episode I listened to discussed anxiety, repeating patterns, social media/”social contagion”, distractions, and solving a lot of it with “Mindfulness.” (This is the episode: Click Here For the Link)
I’ve decided that I want to dive into this and see how it goes. If I don’t find it helpful at all, I’ll move on. If it helps me out – awesome. I’ll let ya know.
Some of the things that I want to do to dive into this:
What do I hope I get out of this? I’m hoping to cope better with the world around me, be able to actually DO good things for my community instead of just sitting around worrying, and find ways to cherish what I have everyday rather than complaining.
If you happen to stumble across this blog and have additional resources around mindfulness or anything that you’d like to recommend, please feel free to comment with them! 🙂
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So, let’s talk about harassment. I don’t really want to much – except for the fact that I received a harassing message last night from someone I have not seen in years. It was filled with transphobic accusations and theories. It almost felt as if a QANON talking point list was being spewed at me or something, I don’t know. I’m going to share the screenshots with you below. Please note: MAJOR TRIGGER WARNING for these.
First of all, this person knows nothing about my child’s medical history or any decisions we are making medically. Nor is it any of his business.
Second of all, a lot of these things he is saying are just not true. Nobody is trying to do sex-changing surgery on children. That is an adult decision. Hormone changes are completely separate from surgery, and while I understand that some people may have concerns about it- there is nothing wrong with moving forward with hormone treatment for a child that is going through puberty and developing a body that makes them want to die.
I would rather have a child who needs to reverse hormone changes than a dead child. My daughter was incredibly suicidal prior to coming out. As are many trans youth.
Why would anyone be comfortable sending this to a person in general let alone someone they have not spoken to in 10+ years? Why do people think that this is okay? Why does anyone think I CHOSE to have a trans child? Why does anyone thinks anyone CHOOSES to be trans? Why would anyone choose that life for themselves or their children? It is a scary life filled with facing people like this. Facing ignorance and hatred.
This person’s profile says that they are working to become a psychotherapist. I sure hope that doesn’t happen, for the sake of everyone else.
Today, I’m thankful that this happened:
I can’t believe it is 2022 and we still had/have any debate on whether same-sex marriage or interracial marriage should be protected under law.
I can’t believe it is 2022 and we are attacking transgender youth for wanting to exist without harassment. That we are not ensuring all minority groups can easily vote. That we are not past hating one another for bullshit reasons.
While this headline is a major win and a step in the right direction, I can’t help but wonder – is it too little too late? Are we still moving in a direction towards hate and division? Will humanity ever just get over itself and be kind to people? Invest in ourselves and our planet?
It’s hard to have hope, but today – let’s take the win.
I’ve decided to start a blog. Is it because the “end of social media” is upon us? Maybe. I’ve been hearing that’s happening – but I’m not so sure. However, since “Xanga days” I’ve been on the web typing out my thoughts and screaming into the void. Then my mom got Xanga and it went down hill. Then MySpace, then Facebook. As that linked article put it, we are all looking for a place that “grandma doesn’t use” now so maybe that’s why I’m here.
I guess I’m not necessarily fleeing my mom (or my wonderful grandma) but I am looking for a little independence, a place to express myself, and perhaps a bit more anonymity in my sharing.
When creating a blog, apparently, one must ask, “What do I write about?” I’m still asking myself that but I decided to start with a topic that I live and breathe each day – being a parent.
I’m a mother of two wonderful, beautiful daughters. Since this is “anonymous” to a degree and I don’t have to worry about outing anybody in this way – I’ll share that my oldest daughter is a trans teen. So as you can imagine, life has been tricky lately. The world isn’t kind to everyone and, unfortunately, trans youth are the getting dealt a pretty shit hand in the media/politics at the moment. Our family worries everyday – though I can get into that more in the future.
I’m sure along this blog-starting adventure, you’ll watch me navigate my thoughts and I’ll be all over the place for a bit. I would love to exercise my writing here and grow in this space.
It should be a fun new start. If it was a perfect world, I’d gain a few followers and few nice comments along the way. In reality, I’ll probably get some troll comments if anything at all. Whatever happens, I’m going to give it a shot.
Future posts to come regarding:
-LGBTQ+ Rights
-LGBTQ+ Parents / Parenting
-Peaceful Parenting
-Parenting Mishaps
-Trans Youth
-Thoughts / Expression of a Parent
-Family Drama
-Growth and Learning
+More
Offbeat Mom 